Classy and sexless!

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This is the new-age dilemma. Some version of this conversation has been going on for days amongst my friends.

If you are my daddy or my kid, don’t read on from here. And if you do, well it’s your own fault. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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I know this is an age-old dilemma for women but I think it gets worse as you age.  As a single woman, how can you have it all?  This is the catch-22….you like being single; you like sex; you want to be classy.  For whatever reason, these 3 can’t seem to co-exist.  Toss in online dating and the MANY conundrums associated with it and you have the modern day grown woman’s dilemma.

Now I get that I am a grown-ass woman and I can do whatever the heck I want to do…one of the great plusses to being single.  However, I also don’t want to take on the life of a nun either.  And being classy is a state of mind….so logic should say, “do what you want; you don’t answer to anyone.”  I think this may be a product of my southern upbringing.

My BFF and I have had this ongoing discussion for a while now because can we (women in general) separate sex from a relationship?  I’m not sure it’s possible.  The men I’ve discussed this with don’t seem to have this problem.  They have “boxes” for things and evidently they’re not related to one another at all.  This videoexplains it perfectly and it’s quite comical.

Another friend contends that we (me particularly) are placing too much pressure on men to be in a relationship too early.  In all fairness (to me), this is Amy’s position and she’s kind of a hippie anyway.  But the question remains, can older woman have a man-toy without then changing the rules on him and wanting a relationship of some sort?  And should class (or lack thereof) be tied to sex within a relationship as opposed to sex without a relationship?  And most importantly, why aren’t men having these issues?

Finding “There”


My new passion is to really explore the world in the coming years. To that end, I’ve made a vision board to keep me motivated. The premise is that if you can see yourself there, you’re more likely to make steps to get there…wherever your “there” happens to be. My “there” is traveling and exploring. 

When you make your vision board, be sure to include short and long term goals. I realized that I was planning larger trips but not day trips. I live in a great part of the world, the southern US, and haven’t seen near as much of it as I should. Those things are on my short list. 


Living near Chattanooga, TN is a wonderful opportunity to do day trips and see some great things. So I took the 30 minute drive and checked out some local culture and quisine. 


Hunter Museum was a landmark I’d always wanted to visit but never got around to. The beauty of the old (art and mansion) transposed with the new (art and Art Deco modern building) was nicely melded and a beautiful place. 


Just a few steps away is a myriad of eateries to soak up the local color. I chose Tony’s Pasta. Situated in a Victorian carriage house of an old mansion in the Bluffview Art District, it is a step back in time. I was lucky enough to sit on the terrace. Handmade pastas and a great selection of wines made for a nice filling lunch. 


Now think about your own vision board…where do you wanna be and what do you wanna be doing in one year, 5 years, 10 years?  I saw a great quote on Pinterest the other day that sums it up (warning…curse words to come!). 


Now…GET BUSY DOING…that was mostly for me because it’s 1:30pm and I’m still in pajamas doing my “exploring” on the Internet. 

The slow life

It only takes a day trip into Savannah to realize I prefer the slow, methodical rhythm of the island. It’s very similar to the tranquility of the waves crashing to shore. It’s predictable and there is some serenity to that. 

Introduced Amy and the girls to Mrs. Wilkes’ restaurant. Always an hour wait no matter when you go but don’t let the line deter you. It is so very good. And once again, I’m saddened that yet another person (Amy) is 3 times smaller than I am and eats 3 times more than I do. How is that fair?  Ok, in all fairness, she is trying very hard to do her 10,000 steps a day. I’m good if I can hang for around 3,000 with them. Have I said this vacation is exhausting?

Saw my future home today!

See that itty-bitty boat behind the yacht…that’s it!
We had dinner at one of my favorites…AJ’s Dockside. The sunset was beautiful and once again I marveled at how pictures just can’t capture the nuance of all the colors. Truly beautiful.  If you look close enough, you can see the rays. 


And if I could have someone follow me around from now on and cast this glow on me during picture-taking moments, that would be great!


As I have said several times during this vacation…”it wouldn’t do for me to have real money!”  I’d be rotten. 

The “wall”

ISo tonight’s discussion is “if we’d (the old people) had Internet when we were young, what famous boy would we have lots of pics of on our phones?  Amy could remember hers (Kirk Cameron, Bruce Springsteen) but I could only remember one poster (our equivalent) and it was The Bee Gees. Yes, I’m really old!

We started the day cloudy and visiting the south beach where the waves were bigger and then came back to the pool and sunshine. Everyone got a little sun. 


Clearly one of Amy’s children has my gene color combination for good melanin. She and I are almost the same color. 

Then we went to Paula Deen’s Creek House which is very yummy.  Back to let Amy and the girls get in their 10,000 steps. 

Amy and daughters 

I joined them for the last leg of the walk so we could look for critters. The sun is barely peaking out before it’s final decent.  And below is the final night sky. 

We sat at the pool and chatted with neighbors and then went down to the dock to talk and a guy caught a baby shark. Nice eventful day. Fun to hang out and build relationships with my people. As I close off tonight I want to ask you to pray for a couple of my friends going through some really crappy family stuff. Lisa and Tammie would move mountains for those they love and are in a bind because  only God has control of these situations. Please keep them in your  prayers. 

Goodnight from me and Amy and the munchkins!

The Dream: Day 18

The clouds lifted today and the sun returned. Lisa and the girls went home and I’m already planning for my next visitors. Couple of friends from work and some family will close out the stay on Tybee. It’s been relaxing and exhausting, busy and boredom, sunny and rainy…and always hot!  Georgia summers. Whew!

Last night when we went to dinner (Lighthouse Pizza), the waitress recognized me!  That’s either good or bad, depending on your perspective. I’m going with good!  I felt “part” of the island at that moment. And it is one of my favorite places. 

The rental agency delivered a brand new vacuum to me today so I could tidy up and I found a Kroger on Wilmington Island. There’s only one small IGA on the island so it was a nice familiar find. 

Another beautiful end to a nice day. My life is so blessed. I try to remind myself of that daily and be thankful for this opportunity. It’s been nice to relax and spend time with family and friends. Great memories. 

No “sun” in this sunset, but equally beautiful. 

The Dream: Day 17

It has been a whirlwind few days. Lisa and the girls (3 teenagers) arrived on Monday and we’ve been busy every moment since. 

Lots of walking the beach, shell hunting, and showing off “my island” to new people. Love that. It’s been cloudy and rainy…not so great for the girls but great for me as I’ve gotten a lot of sun already. 

We ate at Paula Deen’s Creekhouse. Wonderful food and atmosphere. Great little homey yard out back where you can hang out on the swing and watch the kids play. Pretty. 


And then the girls went to the pier and beach for a few hours while Lisa and I spent some time catching up. 

Then off to The Crab Shack for the next evening which is an essential if you’re visiting the area. The atmosphere is phenomenal. 

Off to Savannah today. Whew!  I’m exhausted. These people will have to go home for me to recuperate. 

The most beautiful Catholic church and magnificent fountain at Forsythe Park. 

And my new motto:

Now trying to think about the next stage of my summer…the moving part. I feel like it’s moving along nicely. 

The Dream: Day 6

Rewind and repeat. Another beautiful day here on Tybee Island. Finally settled in enough to sleep in a bit today. Still trying not to get too much sun. Using lots of sunscreen. It was actually one of my substantial research projects over the last few months. After speaking with a friend that also tans well and spends lots of time in the sun (shoutout Rebecca), I settled on Sun Bum spf 50 and 70. So far, so good. 

Ran across this little worker as I was shell hunting. 

Very warm day but the humidity still isn’t of the intensity that Georgia is famous for and that I hate.

I’ll need this picture in a couple of months when I head back to the classroom and crawl home each evening from exhaustion. 


And then of course, another beautiful sunset clicks off another day of my summer dream. It really is so spectacular that words and pictures can’t do it justice. 

Last night everyone gathered on the north shore for the Strawberry Moon. As the moon broke the horizon, it was a magnificent shade of pink. Which led me to wonder (for several times this week) why pictures of the moon don’t appear in pics as they do in person?  I guess I can’t have the sun AND the moon…not yet anyway. I’ll work on that!  Night all from paradise. 

I can’t make you more by making me LESS!

I love me a hard-working man…a manly man…a man that will climb out of the truck and whoop someone’s ass if necessary.  And I’ve rarely passed a passel of blue jean-clad, hard-hat wearing, up at dawn, men that I didn’t feel the testosterone barrier suck me in.  Something deep in my primitive brain says “that man can take care of me.”  And that’s where it starts ladies…right then and there…the hair twirling, the exaggerated sway of the hips, the licking of lips, the slight glance and innocent smile as you daintily skirt the construction zone that you can’t possibly navigate without the help of a big, strong man.  It’s a beautiful dance and one every southern girl worth her grits has mastered from an early age.

Whoa….yes, you could sop him up with a biscuit (the good ones your grandmother makes, not the canned ones) IN THAT MOMENT.  Been there, done that…several times…and loved every single moment of those early days.  And then the white collar/blue collar dance begins.  Some people can meld their lives into a beautiful shade of pale blue…but for most it’s an oil and water solution that no amount of simmering heat can mix together seamlessly.

Now before you get all up in arms and assume I’m saying that all construction workers are dumb, I AM NOT!  Far from it, skilled labor is an art that is quickly diminished in our society (that’s another post conversation) and a skill set few possess.  What I am saying is that the well-educated female brain harks back to its primitive brain and makes decisions only on that.  Which is fine for about 3 months and then you have to talk, go out in public, introduce him to your friends and family…all of which require long hours of talk….and  you have 2 choices at this point:  be who you are and risk it or start chipping away at yourself to make him appear “bigger and better” to you, to him, to them…

While I’m sure both men and women do this “downplay” of themselves, women surely hold the record.  I’ve yet to meet a woman that hasn’t stepped back from who she really is to make her partner feel more secure.  Maybe it’s the “I work so I can pay” or “I’m going to sell my house so we can start new in something we’ve both built” to a long myriad of excuses for the new partner that everyone knows IS less but you love anyway.  At least temporarily.

But the grip of someone dragging you beneath what you’ve worked, sweated, and clawed so hard for will eventually wear you down.  The “but he loves me” and “damn, he’s good in bed” only lasts through the glow of a honeymoon stage of the relationship before you inadvertently notice you’re slipping.  If you’re lucky, you will have friends that will support your new love but also won’t allow you to sink below who you really are….it’s usually in this period that you realize your two worlds don’t mesh.

AS I post, a gaggle of hard hats and safety vests pull up to the restaurant and I begin to fluff my hair….purely instinct I’m convinced.