This boy!

Lime green!  That’s the paint color I wanted for my new office and my man didn’t flinch when I brought it home and he applied it to the walls.  It’s a sunny, beautiful color that he often refers to as the Grinch’s color…lol…that’s ok, he loves the Grinch…and I love him.  It becomes clearer everyday that he would do whatever it took to make me smile…and if it’s paint, so be it.  As I type this, he practices his guitar, watches a ballgame (that I’m assuming I’ll lose the bet on), tending a fire he built  because he knows I love it and basically believing in anything I set my mind to doing.  That boy!

Boys!  I have my own two grown boys, and two growing-up-way-too-fast grandsons and it never ceases to amaze me that these magnificent little humans who are one chromosome different from us girls have the ability to comfort (and frustrate) the female soul so completely.  They never really grow up from the little boys that just want to please the first woman in their life -their momma.  The places in their hearts grow larger for the other women who will come into their lives…and if you’re really lucky (and I am) he will make room for you in that fragile little place too.

The world is hard on boys…I see it everyday in my profession (teaching)…boys who show their hearts are often the hardest hit with the realities of this world.  Toughness is awarded, sweetness is chided as a weakness, and the women of the world try to walk the tight rope between “making them men” and encouraging the spirit they KNOW lives in them.  As a mother, we saw that the moment they latched onto us for dear life and trusted us to guide them in this big, bad world.  It’s a precarious walk and most women I know struggle with the harshness with which their sweet boys will try to find their place in this world and not lose their spirit.  What you pray is that by making them tough for the world, you don’t vanish the sweetness.  Takes a tough man to remain sweet!

In these moments before we celebrate the birth of THE boy, try to remember all of us must walk this path and strive to make it easier on your fellow “man” and woman.  Be the woman that cradles them in your arms and your heart and celebrates the sweetness along with the toughness.  If you’re lucky enough to release a baby boy into this world, release him with kindness, and the spirit to withstand the harsh world, and nurture that sweetness so strongly that he feels confident enough to share it with the world.  Be the soft place to land.

Classy and sexless!

Image result for classy

This is the new-age dilemma. Some version of this conversation has been going on for days amongst my friends.

If you are my daddy or my kid, don’t read on from here. And if you do, well it’s your own fault. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Image result for stop here warning signImage result for stop here

I know this is an age-old dilemma for women but I think it gets worse as you age.  As a single woman, how can you have it all?  This is the catch-22….you like being single; you like sex; you want to be classy.  For whatever reason, these 3 can’t seem to co-exist.  Toss in online dating and the MANY conundrums associated with it and you have the modern day grown woman’s dilemma.

Now I get that I am a grown-ass woman and I can do whatever the heck I want to do…one of the great plusses to being single.  However, I also don’t want to take on the life of a nun either.  And being classy is a state of mind….so logic should say, “do what you want; you don’t answer to anyone.”  I think this may be a product of my southern upbringing.

My BFF and I have had this ongoing discussion for a while now because can we (women in general) separate sex from a relationship?  I’m not sure it’s possible.  The men I’ve discussed this with don’t seem to have this problem.  They have “boxes” for things and evidently they’re not related to one another at all.  This videoexplains it perfectly and it’s quite comical.

Another friend contends that we (me particularly) are placing too much pressure on men to be in a relationship too early.  In all fairness (to me), this is Amy’s position and she’s kind of a hippie anyway.  But the question remains, can older woman have a man-toy without then changing the rules on him and wanting a relationship of some sort?  And should class (or lack thereof) be tied to sex within a relationship as opposed to sex without a relationship?  And most importantly, why aren’t men having these issues?

The Common Denominator

I suck at relationships!  It’s true. I’ve had great men, not so great men, and downright awful-for-me men. I suppose everyone that gets to my age has the same batting average but people do find a life partner sometimes. I’d like to think I’m a smart girl. I have a career, my own money, and I take a shower everyday.   So, why can’t I do it?

There was a time when I blamed it on the men…but the reality is if I’m honest…I am the common denominator. Now I know what you’re thinking…she has used a math metaphor…this is bad!  Since I try to find the good/positive/funny in most things, I’m going with I have just answered the age-old question of “how will I ever use this math in my real life???”….well, there it was!

Now, back to my inability to find a good man. Way, way back, my ex-mother-in-law said “she’s as independent as a pig in mud!”  My immediate reaction was, “did she just call me fat?”  So, I wonder if I am TOO independent?  Do men find that “not needy at all” quality off-putting?  I find they like it…at first…and then it becomes less endearing. 

I’ve had this discussion with several of my gal friends. A couple of them have mastered the balance and a couple are in the same boat as I am…drifting aimlessly in a sea of potential catches…waiting for the collision. 

Now, logically I know that I don’t need a man to be whole. But it would be nice to have someone to travel with; have dinner with; and share my life with on a regular basis. I’ve done online dating (that is its own blog altogether) and I’ve tried every other route, but it never seems to move forward.

Several thoughts occur to me…do you only get so many chances in this lifetime and have I used mine up? If we are doomed to repeat our mistakes until we get it right, I’m gonna need another lifetime. Do some people just settle because they’re tired of looking?  At what point will I say, “f-it, I’m done” and truly be satisfied?  

For a non-math girl, I’m a bit over analytical. 

For the love of men


As we watch hurricane #2 barrel down on the US again, I’m reminded of similar scenes over the years that always touched me deep in my soul. The men!  The minute the call goes out, the men galvanize and do what must be done. It’s a beautiful thing. 


Several years ago a terrible tornado hit a nearby town and just so happens I had a doctor’s appointment that required me meander through the countryside to bypass the hard hit areas. The roads were packed with pickups…chainsaws…and men. For days, they poured out onto the roads and just did what had to be done…cleanup until order was restored. 


This is what men do!  It isn’t about gender…it’s in the DNA and possibly a smattering of upbringing. But, for the most part, it’s a common bond that says, “I can fix this!”  It harkens back to caveman days when survival depended on the men in the community to be the backbone that held it all together. 

Step in…step up…and stay…until the world is righted again. One of my dearest friend’s own husband (a lineman) is readying himself for the next storm to hit in the coming days. He and many more like him will mobilize and answer the call…the call that says “we need you.”  


And once again, the men will arrive with the attitude that says “we got you” and stay until the work is done.    And it isn’t just an American thing, Watch the world tragedies with a different eye…you’ll see it for what it is…greatness embodied in the common man. 

And yes, I’m aware that many women do this also…but in a world that has become increasingly devaluing of the male in our society, it’s time we outwardly express that glow of pride that swells in us as we watch the beauty that is MAN stand firm and sure in the face of tragedy and chaos. 

Please pray for Florida and continue praying for Texas. It may take time, money, and a whole lot of patience. But one thing is for certain, the men will hit the road and not look back until the world is righted again. And I, for one, am thankful for that manly spirit every single day. 

I can’t make you more by making me LESS!

I love me a hard-working man…a manly man…a man that will climb out of the truck and whoop someone’s ass if necessary.  And I’ve rarely passed a passel of blue jean-clad, hard-hat wearing, up at dawn, men that I didn’t feel the testosterone barrier suck me in.  Something deep in my primitive brain says “that man can take care of me.”  And that’s where it starts ladies…right then and there…the hair twirling, the exaggerated sway of the hips, the licking of lips, the slight glance and innocent smile as you daintily skirt the construction zone that you can’t possibly navigate without the help of a big, strong man.  It’s a beautiful dance and one every southern girl worth her grits has mastered from an early age.

Whoa….yes, you could sop him up with a biscuit (the good ones your grandmother makes, not the canned ones) IN THAT MOMENT.  Been there, done that…several times…and loved every single moment of those early days.  And then the white collar/blue collar dance begins.  Some people can meld their lives into a beautiful shade of pale blue…but for most it’s an oil and water solution that no amount of simmering heat can mix together seamlessly.

Now before you get all up in arms and assume I’m saying that all construction workers are dumb, I AM NOT!  Far from it, skilled labor is an art that is quickly diminished in our society (that’s another post conversation) and a skill set few possess.  What I am saying is that the well-educated female brain harks back to its primitive brain and makes decisions only on that.  Which is fine for about 3 months and then you have to talk, go out in public, introduce him to your friends and family…all of which require long hours of talk….and  you have 2 choices at this point:  be who you are and risk it or start chipping away at yourself to make him appear “bigger and better” to you, to him, to them…

While I’m sure both men and women do this “downplay” of themselves, women surely hold the record.  I’ve yet to meet a woman that hasn’t stepped back from who she really is to make her partner feel more secure.  Maybe it’s the “I work so I can pay” or “I’m going to sell my house so we can start new in something we’ve both built” to a long myriad of excuses for the new partner that everyone knows IS less but you love anyway.  At least temporarily.

But the grip of someone dragging you beneath what you’ve worked, sweated, and clawed so hard for will eventually wear you down.  The “but he loves me” and “damn, he’s good in bed” only lasts through the glow of a honeymoon stage of the relationship before you inadvertently notice you’re slipping.  If you’re lucky, you will have friends that will support your new love but also won’t allow you to sink below who you really are….it’s usually in this period that you realize your two worlds don’t mesh.

AS I post, a gaggle of hard hats and safety vests pull up to the restaurant and I begin to fluff my hair….purely instinct I’m convinced.