Classy and sexless!

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This is the new-age dilemma. Some version of this conversation has been going on for days amongst my friends.

If you are my daddy or my kid, don’t read on from here. And if you do, well it’s your own fault. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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I know this is an age-old dilemma for women but I think it gets worse as you age.  As a single woman, how can you have it all?  This is the catch-22….you like being single; you like sex; you want to be classy.  For whatever reason, these 3 can’t seem to co-exist.  Toss in online dating and the MANY conundrums associated with it and you have the modern day grown woman’s dilemma.

Now I get that I am a grown-ass woman and I can do whatever the heck I want to do…one of the great plusses to being single.  However, I also don’t want to take on the life of a nun either.  And being classy is a state of mind….so logic should say, “do what you want; you don’t answer to anyone.”  I think this may be a product of my southern upbringing.

My BFF and I have had this ongoing discussion for a while now because can we (women in general) separate sex from a relationship?  I’m not sure it’s possible.  The men I’ve discussed this with don’t seem to have this problem.  They have “boxes” for things and evidently they’re not related to one another at all.  This videoexplains it perfectly and it’s quite comical.

Another friend contends that we (me particularly) are placing too much pressure on men to be in a relationship too early.  In all fairness (to me), this is Amy’s position and she’s kind of a hippie anyway.  But the question remains, can older woman have a man-toy without then changing the rules on him and wanting a relationship of some sort?  And should class (or lack thereof) be tied to sex within a relationship as opposed to sex without a relationship?  And most importantly, why aren’t men having these issues?

The Lies

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I had the most interesting conversation with my oldest grandson recently.  We were discussing school and goals.  He is under the impression that having a YouTube page and followers is a career goal.  So I challenged him to give me specific examples of this actually working.

He cited some 17 year old boy that “quit high school, has a bunch of followers, and is making millions.  He even bought his mom a new house.”  Hmm…really?  I countered with, “but how do you KNOW he’s really making millions?”  To which he replied, “because his mom said so.”  Hmmm…this was heading down an interesting road.  I said, “you don’t think his mom would say anything to help his rating?”  And then the statement I feared, “Mom’s don’t lie!”  Wow…where to go…”Need I remind you of the Santa Claus incident?”  Yes, I went there!

Now, this is not the first time I have heard this line of thinking.  We have seniors writing senior papers about this career goal.  So I will concede that there are people with enough internet followers that they are making SOME money.  But millions?  In actual money…like money you could pay the bills with…not free stuff?

Our next step was for me to “walk down this road” with him.  So I said, “let’s assume that there is someone making millions with a YouTube channel.  What specifically could you offer that isn’t already out there?”  He said, “I want to make a YouTube channel of me playing my video games.”  Hmmm….next problem.  These kids really believe that they can make millions playing a game.  I stated that this was already done.  He needed something unique…not eating Tide Pods…not doing stupid stuff…but a real unique “need” for the world.  I even gave real solutions…find a math problem you yourself couldn’t solve and show how to solve it…find a real world problem and find a solution…something actually useful.

I know that media is the best babysitter ever…I get it!  I totally get it!   Matter of fact, I’m a little jealous it wasn’t around when I raised my own children.  And I’ve witnessed the on-off switch that happens when a child is handed the cell phone.  It’s magic!  So it’s no wonder that kids are enamored with the hopes of finding eternal “magic” and career possibilities with this “thing” that can make you millions without any real work.

And if you haven’t watched kids “watch” media these days, you’re missing the boat.  They are no longer interested in movies and music.  They want to watch real people doing real things…for hours!  Media is changing so quickly and so are our kids.  The things we feared on the Internet 10 years ago are no longer of interest to our kids.  They’re in awe of fellow teens doing stupid stuff.  Once again, I don’t know the answer to this dilemma…I just know that it is one.  And if you think you’re kids aren’t part of this…what did Santa bring you last year?

 

Cellular Detox

Ugh!  Day 4 of pneumonia and strep is killing me!  And not in the terrible-to-be-sick kind of way, but in the bored-out-of-my-mind way. I have so many meds I need one of those pill reminder boxes. The upside is I haven’t been hungry so it’s possibly the only weight loss plan that might actually work for me.  Thus this experiment!

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Recently I had my students watch a couple of videos that are very thought-provoking. One is “Are you living an InstaLIE?”

The other video is by Simon Sinek and he discusses Millennials in the workplace.  This is a fascinating video.  Please take the time to watch it to the end because what he says should terrify you.

As I ponder my own cell phone use, I wonder, “Am I addicted?”  So, in pursuit of answers, I downloaded an app to track my cell phone usage.  Ick!  Trust me when I say that you will be stunned by your usage.  I kept track for several days and it depressed me terribly.  And if I’m addicted, what does that say for my kids?

All of these things did make me more aware of the down moments when I would just reach for my phone because I was bored.  I’m trying to be more mindful of that and force myself to get up and do something…anything but be a passive participant in my own life.

For the record (and in the spirit of transparency), I deleted that app about a week later…nobody needs that kind of negativity in their life.  I’m searching for JOY and evidently it isn’t at my fingertips.