Music and memories

The Facebook feed was Keith Whitley’s “Don’t Close Your Eyes,” and the memories flooded back. Recently divorced, starting over (again), a young son (who’s about to be 30), and a man that probably loved me more than I could ever return…and it was as real as yesterday.  I can still feel his fingers as they reached across the backseat of the  truck and up under my hair as Whitley’s words seared in my brain for what is evidently going to be a lifetime. My lifetime.

I wonder if songwriters know…really know…the lifetime mark they leave on us?  And how amazing the brain is…that a single line of a song can elicit such a deep, primal response?

A very old boyfriend (not him…just a long time ago) reminded me tonight that hindsight is a bitch. How many loves have I thrown to the curb on  a whim?  More than I care to admit. But the music always takes me back to that moment when the relationship had such promise…or when it was falling apart and I just couldn’t swallow my pride and be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is a concession I’ve had to be diligent about recognizing and practicing in my old age. It’s that place where music finds us…and transforms us…and imprints us for life.

Elvis Presley’s, “In The Ghetto“…small town Tennessee…pre-teen…I remember how haunting it was. It still is 40 years later.

Hello Darlin” by Conway Twitty…the ring back on a phone from a man I loved so deeply and yet failed at miserably.

Then there were the Colorado years. Melissa Etheridge was my go-to CD. I still love her wild abandon attitude. I recently looked for that CD at McKay’s Used Bookstore. When I do find it…those that know me well and for a long time…know I will be riding to the lake, windows down, music cranked up, and remembering those years of my own wild abandon.

Ah, the Jimmy’s era!  Great friends and so much fun we didn’t realize we were having the time of our lives. To this day if “That Summer” by Garth Brooks comes on, I crank it up and the smile of nostalgia couldn’t be restrained even if I wanted it to be.

Music is solace…a place to reflect…a place to let the light creep through the cracks in your soul…and sear your heart forever. Proof is in the beginning chord that washes over you and transforms you to time and place.

With the thought that music is really bottling the memories, I’m choosing to make better music choices. Recently, a friend and I saw the movie, “The Shack,” and the soundtrack moved me such that I ordered the CD. And then I discovered Hillsong United. Wow!  Now THAT is a bottle I want on my life shelf.

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