After Midnight

My grandmother always said “nothing good happens after midnight!” What is “good” is very relative and changes with age.

My 20 year old self: “oh my! We don’t even get dressed to go out until dark!” This is hysterical now because I can’t drive after dark…well I can…I just shouldn’t.

To my 19 year old son: “please don’t get in any trouble! And if you do, call your dad!:

And here is the reality of that statement…after 10pm, I’ve likely taken my Ambien and will not remember a single, solitary thing we talked about.

Hence this conversation with my BFF at lunch yesterday:

Me: we still going to Harrah’s Casino Thursday?

BFF: huh? (Total confusion)

Me: we had a whole conversation last night when you texted me after midnight.

BFF: we did?

Me: uh, yes we did. We talked about taking a day trip; what time we should leave; what ur wearing to a job interview tomorrow; a text you had earlier with a mutual friend…along with pics!

BFF: (getting her phone out and scrolling messages) hmmm…guess we did!

Me: Ambien?

In her defense, she’s a newbie to the Ambien amnesia. I can say that because I DID remember the conversation.  Matter of fact, I was already dreaming of what to do with my winnings.  But as a good friend I had shared my own hilarious experiences.

For example, Lord forbid you be on my shit list AND in my contact’s list. Let’s just say more than one man has disappeared from my life under what seemed like an un-called for disappearing act.

Giving essay writing advice to my son for his college essays…he DID pass English but barely and clearly not on the merits of my advice.

Personal advice…write your blog anytime the mood hits you, but DON’T post until morning! Trust me on this!

Ambien is like a truth serum so if you don’t want to know exactly what I think, don’t ask me after 10pm. On the other hand, if you’re my kid and you want permission or money, it’s hands-down your better option.

And for the love of God, do not use me as your one phone call from jail…I will often wonder why you’ve disappeared from my life so unexpectedly. And you will wonder where the hell I am, because I will possibly say I’m on my way to get you and go back to sleep. I’m so sorry! Don’t take Ambien while you’re in jail.

Anyone that calls me late at night and knows me well starts with “have you taken your Ambien yet?” before they proceed. I have smart friends.

Like all things in life…it’s relative. Best sleep of my life and a great excuse to tell it like it is!  If this is anything like my future, old lady, tell it like it is, self…I like it!  After all, “the truth will set you free” they say…unless you’re in jail…remember, don’t call me after 10pm!

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